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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 12:17:55 GMT -5
Reniara thought about what Snape had said before answering. Had her parents really thought about her well being when they sold her to complete strangers? They didn't need the money from as far as she could tell as a little girl, but she had a feeling that they didn't think of her as their child. But, maybe her case was special, maybe families didn't have to be perfect and still could be considered loving.
"Yes, most parents do what they think is right." Reniara said, deciding to simply agree with his statement. She didn't want to have to give him the sad story of little Reniara. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, it was just that she thought the story wouldn't really make him happy.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 12:26:59 GMT -5
Snape did listened to her words but, her words made him question more on what her parents where like after all she had said most & the feeling he was getting was something had happened, not that it was his concern but, he had a feeling all the same much like he had said what he had when his life had not been the best.
Though Snape decided to speak of different patters since it was looking like, on both there parts it was coming to an end “Will you be helping the orphans to find parents?”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 12:35:43 GMT -5
"Yes. Remember when I told you about the kids who were living on the street well I did some research and found an orphanage they could live at. I decided t would be a bad idea to let them stay with me seeing how I would be gone most of the time and I didn't want that for them. So I started going there more often and the lady in charge asked if I wanted to help find homes for the children. Its a long process because I research the potential candidates throughly to make sure they would actually love a child then I interview them to see if they click together. It's amazing when you find the right match, you can just see the love they have for each other. I guess that's what happens when both receive something from the other." Reniara smiled and one could begin to see her eyes light up as she talked about her work.
Of course most of her research was through looking at records and talking to their friends and family. But she also watched the potential parents without them knowing to see how they really acted towards each other.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 12:55:50 GMT -5
Snape nodded at her words lightly “Yes, I remember you talking about it & I am glade that you get the chance to help them find parents, something I am sure is not easy but, is something you enjoy in the end. After all the way you speak of it gives it that hint but, then again I could be wrong”
Snape looked Reniara “I am sure it also has to do not only with what they each receive but, the accepters & the belonging feeling” Snape was surprised she had not keep the children with her that she found “I had though you where going to find a big house, for the children to stay at. This quest you set out to do when we spoke before or have you given up on this search?”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 16:22:11 GMT -5
"No I know what you mean. As for my quest to find a house for the kids, I had searched. I actually found a house suitable for everyone's needs it's just that they wouldn't be safe. Some people....well most people see me as I was back then...an assassin, someone that needs to be tortured for what seems to be their crimes. I don't want to put the kids in that position. They're too young to be brought into that. Plus, I'm gone a lot for my job. My work is in the wizarding world and they live in the muggle world, trying to connect the two without them knowing would be too difficult. I would put them in danger of people who believe muggles should't exist." Reniara smilled slightly.
"Plus, I want to fall in love and be with that one person I love before I have children living with me. And I still get to see them on a regular basis so I didn't lose them, which I am very thankful for." Reniara looked at Snape wondering what he was thinking.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 16:35:44 GMT -5
“I can see your point” After all it all made since & with as she said living in the wizarding world it would be harder to care for the children in the muggle world since, as she said many did not like muggle or muggle born, it was hard enough to get then to excepted half bloods let alone anything else.
Snape looked at her a moment before he spoke “And when you find this some one, how do you know they will want children” After all not everyone wanted children & others just could not deal with them, to the point they should have any. “Besides, I did not think you would be looking for anyone, after you have been hurt”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 16:55:24 GMT -5
Reniara smilled, "Children are nice to have, but I don't think I need to have them. Children, if the world continues to work the way it does now, will always exist. I have never had a maternal instinct as some people like to call it, I don't see myself having children, I like helping them though. Maybe it's because I don't want them to have the same childhood I had....I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."
She shifted in her seat, adjusting the pillow so that it was more pressed up against her stomach. It was hard to talk about but she was beginning to realize that it was okay to let go. "The person I loved, was the person I loved, but not the person I was meant to be with. When I was talking to you earlier about finding that one person, I too....really needed to hear those words. I guess I've been scared of getting rejected, hurt again. That's why when I finally am with the person I love, and they love me in return, our love will be so much more wonderful, that I wouldn't be able to love to that magnitude again if I lost them. All I can do is wait to see what happens, and hope that I will eventually fall in love with the person who loves me back, and not just me loving someone who doesn't even realize my feelings." Reniara smilled feeling a weight lift from her. She waited attentivly to what he would say in return, and her heart beat wildly as she wondered what was going on in his head, and if he could possibly be the one.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 17:18:19 GMT -5
Snape listened to her words “I am sure there will always be children around” His mind easily though of the Weaslys & how with more of them around, there would be no shortage of children. “If you did ever have children, they would not have to suffer what you went threw, after all you could see to it that what happened to you did not happen to them” Though at times bad things happened but, it was more that many things that happened to people was something that they could fix & see did not happen to children they had.
“I wish you luck in your search, for not allot of men that I know are so open to the feelings or say them for that matter & if you find this some one you might, just have to take the chance on telling them, to learn there feelings. It would be better to know, for sure then waiting around & holding out; on some one that has no such feelings”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 17:35:21 GMT -5
Reniara felt like she had been splashed with cold water, and her thoughts frantically whizzed around in her mind. There was a chance that Snape would never actually say how he felt that is if he did feel something for her. But it scared her to think she would be the one to ask such a question, but what scared her most would be his answer. She thought the time would be too soon to ask him pointedly if he had feelings for her, so all she could do was test the waters.
"Do you think you would ever tell someone your feelings for them? I mean if someone told you they liked...I mean loved you would you tell them how you really felt?" Reniara gripped the edge of the pillow as she waited for his answer, not knowing if she even asked him the right question in the first place.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 17:59:42 GMT -5
Snape listened to her words, it was a bit odd that she would ask but, after what he had said he supposed it should not have been to suppressing for her to ask such a thing of him. “I think in the end I would tell them my feelings, though in some ways it would be hard. First I would have to know what I felt if any thing & second I would have to feel it was not some game, or joke mealy to get to me. I know I am not a man that is sought after but, I also know well the games some can play to get to a person & with the D.E. around, that can lead to a very bad ending. The last thing you want a D.E. member to know is, a weakness”
Of course his last words he did not think of him self but, more other members he knew would love to learn someone’s weakness & tell there master to win more favor. But, so far he did not think anyone knew, that he was with the D.E. members again, not that it was his full choose it just was not something he could get out of that, did not end with his death.
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 18:21:14 GMT -5
"Oh. Well I wouldn't do that to you...ah... to someone cause that would just be cruel. Playing a game just to get someone to fall in love is horrible, something that is very hard to forgive. I know what you mean though, it's scary to say what one is thinking about another person....even if you feel like you have a clear idea of what you feel, there's always that uncertainity that they don't feel the same way." Reniara slowlly breathed out, he said he would say what he felt if it came to that moment in time when she dared to speak the words out loud.
"As for weaknesses. We all have them....and it reminds me of a time when I was fighting someone. A D.E. member I believe. They attacked me just for walking down the street which I find to be a signal that the person is extremly paranoid. I kept asking them what it is that they feared and they kept saying nothing. Though, it's a natural human response to feel fear, to protect oneself from harm. And it just seemed to me that through the person's actions and words that they really just seemed to fear death itself. Like they had this desire to always try and cheat death. Fear of death is natural, but I felt like if the person would just let go of that fear of death, that it happens to everyone eventually then they wouldn't of had to feel the need to protect themselves against it. That they wouldn't have to attack someone for just walking down the street."
Reniara sighed, "I don't know what the person was thinking or who they were. I can't judge them for their actions, I don't know thier position. But a part of me feels like the worst thing they will experience is dying from the inside out. When you start to lose the sense of your humanity in saying that you have no fear, you feel nothing, you begin to lose a part of yourself, and that is the most painful and slowest way to die. I hope they come to realize it before it's too late." Reniara looked at Snape, a sad look on her face.
She felt bad for the person, but she was surprised at herself. When they attacked her in the beginning they tried to kill her spot on, not even taking into consideration of who she was. She was surprised that she felt sorry for this person even though they didn't, as it appeared, feel sorry for the people that they killed. She, herself had killed many people, but she always knew the consequences and the reasons why those people needed to be killed. She knew whose life she was taking, and taking a life was a very serious act indeed, for it is something that can never be taken back.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 18:52:33 GMT -5
“But, there are those that play such a game & many do not fear death its self but, the way they will die” But, Snape was mindful to watch her, since some of the things she had said had started to make him question again events.
“As for many D.E. members they do not need a reason to do any thing, they do it foe they feel like it, just as he can not make them see reason or logic to something or at least most you cannot for they are set in there ways & in them self”
“Though it could of mealy been some one that felt they had to prove something to them self & if there where up set, anger or had enough liquor many are not short of doing something rash, that is out side of what they would normally do”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 20:45:28 GMT -5
Reniara smilled, "...I don't want to judge anyone for anything. I don't know the circumstances and I most certinaly don't know their inner thoughts. Things just happen sometimes that I have no control over and I learned to let them go and learn from those events. Doing so has allowed me to recognize things that I can try to change whether that be labeled as good or bad I don't know. Trying to live within societies standards, to please everyone can never be accomplished. So, the only thing I can do is learn to love and accept myself, and perhaps allow someone to love me too."
She didn't know if she was making her point clear but she had grown tired in sorting people as good or bad. She found it inhumane to overlook someone's true reasons. This allowed her to look at most people, like Tom Riddle when he was alive, as just another person, but one she needed to be careful around.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 7, 2011 20:57:05 GMT -5
“Perhaps you do not wish to judge but, at times we do. After all it is a human emotion, though few have gotten it to a point where they are not so judging & are willing to listen & find out on something before they cast judgment”
But, so far he had only found two, in all his years & that was something he could say was rare indeed. “So how do you deal with those that you know are no good, that would be better if they where dead then alive. For in your line of work you must of come a cross some one of such a title, for just as there is good in this world there is bad & at times it looks like on side or the other is tiping the scale but, I am not sure if they are but, some things make it look that way & feel that way”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 7, 2011 21:16:57 GMT -5
"I will do everything in my power to protect the people of this world the best I can, no matter if they seem evil. I will always protect, I will never be the first to attack. I have to trust in the ways of the world that peace will come out of war, that good will conquer evil. I cannot pick a side so readily, I must observe and learn from my surroundings. I will try my best to reach peace not only within my own heart but in the hearts of others as well. I can't read the hearts of men, nor do I wish to do so." Reniara paused looking at Snape wondering how he felt on the matter.
"If it comes down to life or death, I will try to make peace with the individual I am fighting against. If they don't make peace then I will fight to protect the ones I love, to protect the life of the world around me, to fight for one more day of peace." Reniara looked straight into Snape's eyes. She didn't want to ask him what he thought of the matter for it was not her place to do so. Talking about choosing life or death was a serious matter, and she didn't want to press him for an answer.
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