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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 8:58:37 GMT -5
Snape was still thinking on what Reniara had said, he was not sure if she meant it despite what she said earlier Snape was not one that trusted so easily, especial when it came to his heart & feelings.
It had been some time since he had allowed him self to love & the last time he had, the ending had not been good & his actions where what lead to there death. Something that had weight down on him for years & the pain had slow slowed to something he was more able to bear but, he had never fully forgotten or forgiven him self for it.
So now he was left to question his feelings or at least figure out what his feelings where, so that he could tell her at least where they where but, he had no idea at the moment what his feelings where & he had not really though on it or tried to think what it would mean if he loved again or even if he could love again.
It would appear that living as long as he had & not seeking love or looking for it had set him off when it came to dealing with his feelings in such matters. He walked with Reniara to his home, his mind still thinking on what these matters & her words, moving to enter his home he was still unsure where to start or begin for that matter, so perhaps something would happen where he would know, how to start or perhaps they would mealy talk more, allowing him time to think & figure things out.
His home was large true but, it was also warm a comforting feeling to when one was cold & it also had a comforting feeling at least to some degree, at least for him self & he hopped that it would help him with getting an answer that would be true.
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 12:54:58 GMT -5
Reniara followed Snape into his house, as they had walked there in entire silence. His house was warm and comforting even though it was so large. She wondered if it was because he was with her that it felt that way.
She looked up at Snape, standing in a way to give him space. "Um...if you want me to leave or go do something for you I will. I don't want to intrude on you when you're thinking things over."
The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel like she was pressuring him to give her an answer. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with her feelings for him too, but she knew all to well that one couldn't help falling in love with someone. But, she was thankful that she had fallen for him, because if she was able to make him happy, then she would be wonderfully happy as well.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 17:45:39 GMT -5
Snape watched Reniara, heard her words but, where he words he knew that he likely would need time to think on matters a bit more, he did not wish to lie to her & he wanted to give her a truthful answer just, as he wanted to give it to her as soon as he knew for sure. “Perhaps we can read for a bit, why I work to give you an answer”
But, even with them taking time to read & give him time, there was no saying how he felt or if he would know be the end of the day & he was left to question if he would not give into at least try the idea of having some one love him.
Love, such a strange word especial for him & he was still trying to figure out, if he could even love, true he gave his word he would keep him self open to the idea but, he did not know if he could love, likely as Reniara was looking for.
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 19:37:25 GMT -5
"Ok." Reniara said as she followed him into the library to go read. She was going to tell him that he didn't need to give her an answer right away, but she felt like he already knew that.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 19:53:08 GMT -5
Snape heard Reniara words, thoug she side no more so he assumed she would wait for his aswer. Though it did not change that, he could see signes that he had learned to enjoy her company & in some ways miss it but, he was not sure if that was love or mealy the need to have some one around that would put up with him. Perhaps he would have some form of an answer for her & perhaps in time it might become something of what she was looking for. But, he had a feeling that if that was what would happen it would take time perhaps more time then he would want to,
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 20:01:44 GMT -5
Reniara picked a book off the shelf and curled up in her usual chair, sitting so she wasn't directly across from Snape. She wanted to give him space and let him do whatever he needed to do in peace. Reniara's face was calm and her eyes were smiling merely because of the fact that she was able to spend time with him like this. She found it hard to concentrate on the book though because her thoughts were only focused on making him happy.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 20:26:45 GMT -5
Snape took time to think but, even with it he was unsure if he could call it love. But, hecould say he enjoyed her company he woud not have, allowed her in his home had there not been soe form f freindship & wit time he could say he enjoyed the time wth her. "Reniara, I cannot at the time say that my feelngs are love, since I am still trying to figuer them ou. But I can say that I enjoy your company, somthing not many can claim, me ever saying let alone thinking"
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 20:41:23 GMT -5
Reniara looked up and smiled at Snape. "I understand. It wouldn't be fair to you to expect a definite answer for I just told you today, when I have been thinking about this for multiple years. And, if you never do feel the same way, I want you to know that my feelings for you will always remain, and I will do my best to make you happy." Reniara paused before resuming, trying to organize her thoughts.
"I'm glad you consider me a friend. It makes me wonderfully happy to hear that." Reniara studied Snape, her gaze friendly and open.
She was glad he considered her a friend. Though she knew in her heart that if it was his true wish to never see her again, she would do so, even though a part of her would die in the end, because she loved him so much to give up everything for him.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 21:11:14 GMT -5
Snape had not missed her words & they at least let him know that he had time to think matters over. “Years, you have felt this way for years?” Snape was a bit surprised with her words, since he really did not excepted & was surprised that she felt this way, for so many years.
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 21:23:05 GMT -5
Reniara blushed, "Yeah. It took me a long time to come to terms with it because I don't trust people that much and was never really into the whole concept of falling in love. It just happened, and I was in denial for a long time because I didn't think I, of all people could actually truly love, let alone have feelings for someone else. But...after finally accepting my feelings for you as something I can't change my life now has purpose. When I was gone all I could think about was ways to make you happy...no....not even that, I could think of nothing else except you."
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 21:36:45 GMT -5
Snape could not say he was not flattered by her words to some degree, after all what man would not be though much like her he was not one that trusted & if it took her years to admit her feelings what did that mean for him? He would have to wait to see but, he also knew he would have to keep his mind guarded, Jamie would not hold back using her against him or trying to & so long as she did not know something was a miss, she would not bother about it but, he only hopped that Jamie never got wise or it could turn very bad, very fast.
“Perhaps with time, I can give you more of an answer but, only time will tell & as much as you have feelings for me. It would be wise, that they for the time where not made known it could turn bad if the wrong people learned of it or even though it for that matter. I am not saying that in time, should I find I can return you feelings things would be better but, at least you will know what you are getting your self into before hand”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 21:46:15 GMT -5
"I understand. I had no intention of telling anyone else, because I know that there are many people out there who would love to harm you to get to me. I won't let that happen. I won't say anything, or do anything that would lead to the suggestion of my feelings towards you until you and only you wish them to be known." Reniara looked at Snape a serious expression on her face, yet it was still kind. She didn't want to put anyone in danger because of her feelings for Snape. She knew the consequences of anyone finding out could be the death for the both of them.
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 21:53:59 GMT -5
Snape listened to her words “Believe me they would not need you as an excuses to harm me, there are reasons already that make them wish that or try to harm me & some how I do not see it ever fully coming to an end but, with time it might. But, I do not know what the future will hold, at times I wish I did could make things simpler or so I say now but, I suppose it would not be the case for sure ether”
Snape waited a moment before he spoke on “Is there other things you think we should speak of or talk about?”
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Post by Reniara Ashwar on Apr 8, 2011 22:02:22 GMT -5
Reniara looked at Snape carefully as he spoke. "I know many people wish to know what lays ahead in the future, but it's always changing by the decisions we make today. Besides, if you knew what lay ahead of you, or your purpose would you try to fulfill it right away? I feel like when people find out their purpose they try to accomplish it right away and then they feel like they having nothing else to live for."
As to his other words she paused before replying. "There are always things to talk about, it's just a question if one wants to talk about or hear them. But, at the moment nothing comes to my mind as the uptmost importance."
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Post by Professor Severus Snape on Apr 8, 2011 22:20:51 GMT -5
Snape watched Reniara oddly some of her words he had done just that “Oddly some things I knew where laid before me & to some degree what my purpose was, regarding them” He had fulfilled it & if he could of rushed it he would have but, it could not be rushed & oddly he felt he had nothing else to live for but, to do this purpose in life that he found to be the only thing that keep him alive but, now with if over he could see that things where different.
“I want you to know that you are always welcome here Reniara, if I am here or not, should you need a place to come for any reason even to read you are welcome here” There was bound to be times that he was not around, that she might show up but, he also knew that if there was to be any sign of something that might be he had to trust enough to allow her to be here with him here or not & also be ready to face the out come, should he come back half dead to explain him self or try to any way.
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