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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 5, 2012 21:24:13 GMT -5
Minerva listened carefuly to Rigoletto's words. She looked at his mask, knowing of the skin that once lay beneath it, and now she understood, or felt that she did. Rigoletto was still wounded, still ashamed. He had not healed, he forgot the main ingredient towards healing his wound and it was interaction with others, the acceptance of what had happened not just from a small part of himself but from the world in general.
"I cannot fully understand how you felt and feel, but I do know this. The events of the past, the mere existence of Voldemort marked us all. What you did is no more than what Severus Snape attempted to do. Perhaps it was destined that the likes of a mere student over great men vanquished Voldemort." Minerva stood up and walked over to the fire place.
"However, you are given a second chance to redeem yourself to the world. To me, I have already forgiven you, even though I believe now there is nothing to forgive." Minerva sighed and turned to look at Rigoletto.
"What you must be sure, is that you do not harbor any resentment towards the past...towards yourself. You should know that better than I. To live in the past is to be tied down, to acknowledge the past is to be able to look forward and live in the present. If you find yourself unable to do this alone, which I'm afraid it cannot be done alone, know that you may always find a deep...friend in me." Minerva smiled at Rigoletto, hoping that his heart would be eased a little.
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 5, 2012 23:11:55 GMT -5
Rigoletto listened to Minerva words still unsure what her thoughts where on the matter but, knowing that it still felt a blow to know a me-er student was the one to undo Voldemort but, as she said perhaps there was a reason like David defeating Goliath.
Rigoletto watched Minerva as she rose & moved to the fire place, it was his habit to do so. He listened to her words true he had come to some acceptance to what happened, that was the reason he came back but, there was still part of him that held recreated for the events. "I have acknowledge the past, one the reasons I returned but, it does not mean I forget & it likely will take time to fully get to a point that I could ever forget. I thank you for your friendship perhaps with it, I can face the world a bit more then I have, though I have tried"
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 6, 2012 19:25:44 GMT -5
Minerva looked at Rigoletto, "you have changed much, and at the same time you haven't changed from the first moment we met. I feel like there are other things, not just about the last war, that you still...regret." Minerva waited for Rigoletto to respond, unsure if she was pushing too hard for him to open up.
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 6, 2012 20:00:13 GMT -5
Rigoletto heard Minerva, it was odd she appeared to know he well enough to know he had other regrets but, then since he had lived so long perhaps it was not so unheard of to make that kind of statement. "And if your feelings where right & there where other regrets?" He was not up set with her but, him self because it was becoming to clear he was having to face much that for a long time he had not tried to think about. His eyes flickered, a moment as he watched Minerva though as he looked more at her it was clear that the eye behind the mask appeared most the time to not be there, more just a hallow space.
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 6, 2012 20:39:55 GMT -5
Minerva felt herself in a tight spot. She held no regrets. Everything had been done and there was no turning back. She had lost a love long ago seeing how she would have to hide her true abilities from them. And then, there was Rigoletto, except he was still there, and she, even though she was getting older, would die most likely before he would.
"If there are other regrets, what of them. They have already been forgiven. I've known you for only what seems a short time, you were here before me, and Albus trusted you. From getting to know you myself and from Albus' trust in you, I too believe you to be a man of honor, respect, dignity, and compassion. You are a man not deserving of trust, but rather a man whom it would seem foolish not to place ones complete faith into. If you wish to discuss these past regrets I would be happy to listen. They at least need to be said outloud, even if it is to the night air."
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 6, 2012 20:55:25 GMT -5
He heard Minerva words he felt him self liker with what he was, the idea of speaking of what he did so openly & in frount of Minerva might just be the last nail in his coffin. He knew that he should but, with events the way he wanted he felt he would just push people way to speak of such deeds. "You think me to be all those things? Hoe can you think that, when I am what I am. True I might try to do those things but, in the end I am still what is seen as a beast of the night, that would kill with no reason in a moments notice"
He could since he was not fully holding back n this issue after all, he did not say no he just was unsure of why she saw in him what she did, perhaps with even thing going on he was trying to figure how anyone could see him more then what he truly was inside.
Some times passed as Rigoletto though more on what to do "I suppose the most regret I feel, is for the lives I have taken in one form or another, it does not change that I did it even when, at one point or another I felt it was the best choose. None on this earth should choose who lives & dies but, many do, as I have at times thinking it was the best that it would help keep the world safe & yet we once more, find are selfs in such times. It does not ever appear to end, where one such be killed & when they are another soon rises to take there place"
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 6, 2012 21:44:43 GMT -5
Minerva turned to look at Rigoletto a look of deep feeling on her face, masked over by her usual look of determination. "Did you just not say earlier that events and time has 'a knack for repeating its self, there has been little time that there has not been some form of a war going on in this world between two sides? That of course the people change, the places change but humanity in its self is the same, with the same nature to want for more at least enough see & act in such a way that keeps these wars going on?'" Minerva knew she was repeating Rigoletto's exact words back at him.
"As for your nature, that you believe yourself to be a beast of the night. You are no more a beast than the lowest of the humankind, you are more a man than the highest of all men. The fact that you regret your past actions prove it in itself. For a beast does not realize that what he kills is bad, it survives only to feed, much like humans are in war or in killing other creatures. When you recognize that these actions are bad you rise above your past, you rise above everything else that you have done and will do. If in your heart you feel that what you did was wrong and feel sorry for them, I believe this to already be change and forgiveness, and even if you do make mistakes along the way as long as your course stays true you will never go off your path."
Minerva sat down in her chair again. "The faults of one man are no greater than the faults of another. Who are we to judge what is right and what is wrong? For does not every man, every creature deserve compassion and love? For what you have done and will do Rigoletto for people you barely even know that is where I see who you really are. You are too harsh on yourself to think you are only one with the night. For something to be of the night, it has had to have known the light. And there is a light for you Rigoletto, there are people who care for you and would lay down their lives to protect you. But, if you cling onto your self-hate, your regret, you will never come to realize that there was a light in the first place. You'll have become blinded by false faults which you believe to be your own, which you believe seperate you and make you a monster, when all along you were and are greater than most men and not a monster at all."
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 6, 2012 22:45:22 GMT -5
(That was a good post)
Rigoletto heard her words it was odd that she so easily spoke words he already spoke but, she was trying to make a point. He got the point but, it was had to not find blame or think he was at fault some how even if he felt bad for it, perhaps with time he could do this but, at the moment he did not know if he could even with her words he was not sure he could at all. "I do not need people to die for me willing or not, if it is my time then so be it I have felt death close more then once I have lived more then most could ever dream, a curse or blessing is all how you look at it, there are goods & bad's to both sides, how ever you look at it"
Rigoletto looked at Minerva "I cannot say I am greater then most men, for there are many better then me. There are few that can so easily walk to there dead, knowing it is coming but, they must excepted it to keep others safe but, there are such people a few that have even lifted in this time....perhaps still do but, what they did what they where willing to lay down, is better then even I, in many ways"
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 6, 2012 23:04:24 GMT -5
Minerva listened to Rigoletto, "I know, I was just trying to make a point. It is up to you whether to take it or to leave it." Minerva sighed, she was tired. Tired of caring about him when he didn't understand, when he went and got himself engaged to some girl. It was like he didn't even see, even understand that she liked him...no perhaps even loved him at least in the past. Now, she wasn't sure. She was getting old, and she had other things on her mind than a fleeting feeling which would never be returned. All she knew she couldn't spell it out for him any other way without fully telling him how she felt.
(Thanks.)
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 7, 2012 0:00:38 GMT -5
Rigoletto heard her words "Yes so I noted, so what is this about? There must be something more, few spend such efforts to try to redeem someone... dose my fated matter that much?" Now Rigoletto was left to ponder what she meant or if there was something more, he was not fully sure there was but, she appeared set out to make him see life was worth living & so on. "I am grateful for your help Minerva, I never said I was not & do not think I take it lightly ether" Perhaps as her words set in more he did not full grasp them but, he wanted to make a point to her as well "There is no reason for you to, feel you have to give up your life for mine.... Hogwarts needs you more then it does me"
Of course he had not fully gotten her words but, at least he was slowly getting it but, being a man most where slow when it came to matters of the heart in any since. Even when they should of been, skilled in seeing the signs.
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 7, 2012 0:18:38 GMT -5
Minerva sighed, "thank you for your words Rigoletto, but it is more of a personal matter as to why I would."
Minerva paused, "I know my duty is with Hogwarts and the students need me. I have sacraficed much for them, but at times, one does seek to fulfill other parts of one's life than just duty." She noted that he had used her first name, and she felt a slight flutter through her heart. Yes, as much as she didn't want to admit it, she still felt for him.
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 7, 2012 0:28:19 GMT -5
Rigoletto heard Minerva words "I see, then it is only suiting that I offer you to talk with me should you ever want to talk other wise" Though her words did gain his interested now, not fully sure why but, why would she tell him it was such a matter perhaps she had her own reasons, of course she did why else would she say it but, what could it be that made her say it.
He would have to think on it since he knew not to press the matter, he knew to well that Minerva was much like Snape if press the wrong way. "And what other parts of life would that be?" It could be many family, to do something she wanted to other wise & so on so he was not wanting to guess, at the time if he did not have to.
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 7, 2012 0:34:35 GMT -5
Minerva nodded, her anger slightly rising. "Well think of it like your relationship with Ms. Lestrange, I believe you are engaged, unless if that was a sense of duty, then I doubt you will ever understand what I am talking about." Minerva wondered how a man who had existed since the beginning of time could not understand the simple concept of love. It drove her mad, but she made sure to mask her temper well.
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Post by Professor Rig Carillon-Dra on Jan 7, 2012 1:11:01 GMT -5
Rigoletto heard her words, his anger flickered like hers but, like he did well to hold it in place. "I wish you all the best Minerva" But, he was quick to rise to his feet, as she spoke of duty. "Would it be so hard to grasp if it was duty? Or must I go into detail on a engagement that?" Rigoletto looked at Minerva "Why, not I have little to lose, true my engagement to Mr. Lestrange is no lie,,, but it was a request form a man to try & save his daughter form what he saw as a worse choose then me. At the time I though it would be fine, of course I soon learned that Ms. Lerstrange not only hated me even more but, made sure to show that she loved so one else, the choose her father did not want of course I could not stop it, the more I tried the worse it got"
Rigoletto moved to a window as he looked out "I am many things or at least been called many things but, I am not going to force her to be my wife in more then words & up tell a some time ago, the engaged was still in the works but, I learned to well that she had no though to love me or honor what he father wanted. No she just was being rebellious & decided to do her own thing of course"
Rigoletto moved again "Ow but, I should of seen it coming form the moment I agreed to the idea, some how I though it would work out but, in the end it did not. I am sure if heard the words of my engagement, you likely heard more of her being with another. I am surprised the wizarding news did not post such things but, then they likely though I would do something to them"
(I did start the post for the break up between Rigoletto & Annabella, though it might just fit best here, kind of keeps form doing another post & could be fun her but, let me know)
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Post by Minerva McGonagall on Jan 7, 2012 1:21:33 GMT -5
Minerva rose to her feet as well, "Well, I see that your intentions were meant well."
Minerva took a deep breath and in a softer, kinder voice she continued. "I am sorry for lashing out. I was just...just upset about the idea."
Minerva paused and turned away, looking into the fire, her voice was cold yet underneath there was compassion, but mostly hope. "I suposse an engagement in which the other felt for you has never crossed your mind."
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